This is our baby.
Our.
Baby.
Somedays it sinks in more than others. This entire process of trying to get pregnant for almost a year, to finding out my eggs weren't very good so it would be hard to get pregnant without help, to connecting with Shady Grove Fertility, to countless tests, to treatment options, to going through with treatment, to finally finding out we are pregnant...it has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least.
After a brief battle with infertility, we found out we were eligible to start treatments about two weeks before Christmas last year. Due to a number of different aspects, we decided to wait to start treatments until the beginning of this year. I am really happy we did. The process of treatment cycles alone was at best stressful and at worst stressful. Not the actual baby making part (that part was a blast!) but everything else was a doozy. Part of all this was doing at home injections of various medicines. I think the week we conceived I was stuck with a needle at Shady Grove or stuck myself with a needle every day.
And then the dreaded two week wait. They really weren't kidding when they call it the dreaded two week wait. It really is brutal! What probably saved me during the wait was the fact that on no more than three occasions last year we thought we were pregnant due to me having each and every one of the early pregnancy symptoms. Including my period being late for 4 days one cycle. But then we weren't.
You know what's fun? Trying to get pregnant and then getting your period 4 days late. SUPER fun.
Surprisingly though, having my period come 4 days late and dealing with all the emotions - not to mention the physical issues associated with having such a late period (I had every early pregnancy symptom) - ended up being a blessing for us. Going through such a hard year of infertility gave me a measure of patience and peace I am not sure many women have when stuck in the two week wait.
Let me explain. The dreaded two week wait is the time between when a woman completes her treatment cycle and when she goes back in for her pregnancy beta blood test. It takes about two weeks for the fertilized egg to make it down into the uterus to implant and for enough HcG hormone to be given off for the test to come back positive. During this time, a woman can experience every one of the early pregnancy symptoms, especially if they are on Progesterone pills - which I was. It is also not advised to take a home pregnancy test as it is easy to get a false negative or even a false positive. So you have to wait for two weeks to find out.
And it is rough. I was unbelievably sick, dizzy, and tired the entire time. I had food aversions, extreme exhaustion (one moment I would be awake and the next I was out cold), tenderness all over, heightened smells - you name it. But we still had to wait, and I did not want to let myself build up too much hope because I didn't want to be utterly crushed if our test came back negative.
Then came the morning of my test. If I thought the two week wait was bad, waiting anxiously for the hours to tick past so we could get our phone call was far worse. I just wanted to know! This child was something I had prayed for and desired for since I was 5 years old, and I was ready to be a mom. 3 decades worth of wishing, thinking about my future children, wondering what they would be like, wondering what pregnancy would be like...and it all boiled down to a phone call.
I managed to get Jordan on the line when our nurse Katherine called us. When she told us the news, I broke. I started sobbing and thanking God over the phone for His provision for us. Other than hearing Jordan say "I do" to me on our wedding day, this was the best sound to ever grace my ears. I had felt my hope growing throughout the day as well as my anxiety about what the results would be. Knowing we had a child growing inside of me - knowing LIFE was growing inside of me - well, both Jordan and I were blown away.
Jordan. I don't think I can write this post without writing about the amazing father I know he will be and the amazing support he already is. Not once has he been afraid of what having a child will mean for us, and he is beyond excited for our little one to arrive. He has been 100% supportive of me through all of this, cooking meals when I am too exhausted or nauseous to get off the couch, massaging my back when it is tight, and bringing me the millionth thing I have asked him to get for me throughout the day. He really is my greatest gift from the Lord and I know he will be the most amazing father to our little bundle of hope whenever he or she arrives. He is the most sacrificial man I know, already thinking of ways he can sacrifice his comforts to make sure his wife, and our child (and cats too!) are provided for. I have never met someone who works as hard as he does and with such a joyful heart. He really is the best man and I am the luckiest woman to have him as a best friend and partner. Our baby will be the luckiest child to have him as a father.
My hope in a husband was restored when I met Jordan and has been every day we have been together. Now, my hope in bearing children has been restored. Do we want more children? Absolutely! It may sound crazy to hear a 7 week pregnant woman say they want more children, but Jordan and I have always known we want a big family. This pregnancy restores my hope we can conceive more after this baby is born - maybe with the help of Shady Grove, maybe not. But the hope is there and I can feel the flame getting brighter every day.
Stay hopeful my friends. Don't let the enemy steal your hope, especially when it feels the most hopeless.
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