I thought the culmination of the beginning of my journey into being a published author was getting my work published. Makes sense right? Perhaps. However, there was so much that I didn't know about at the time I self-published that in retrospect I wish I had.
Perhaps you have heard this saying, perhaps not: the enemy works in rushed. As much as it was apparent to me and others that the story came from God; from the dream to how quickly it took me to write the first book - 80K words in 3 months - the next part, the middle, was where I believe things got a little off track.
There is another saying: you don't know what you don't know. Lord almighty, there was so much that I didn't know. There was so much that I was naive about and so many things that I simply didn't ask for guidance for. I was green and new to this whole process. While I did seek God on what to do after the book was written, I didn't go much further than that. I should have used my vast resource of friends to go a bit deeper.
I should have, but I didn't. And do you know what? Even though I look back now and wish I may have done it differently, I can still see how God was present through the middle. I can see how He brought me to the place now where nothing I did wrong can ruin the success of this story.
Let me explain a bit further. As I mentioned in the first post My Journey: The Beginning, I ended up in the hands of an umbrella company as my publisher. Unlike Amazon's Kindle self-publisher, this one was more of an author mill. When I was contacted by their recruiter, there were things that he said that I had prayed about and it seemed that this was the answer. I was so excited. In that excitement I forgot that the enemy is the master of disguise, and that failure to recognize the ploy of the enemy made me also forget the point I started this post with - that the enemy works in rushed.
The next few months were a whirlwind. I had to find an editor, but I didn't have the funds. I used a friend who was free and as amazing as a job as she did, the book deserved a professional eye. The company I was paying to publish my book was breathing down my neck to have the book pushed out faster than I could get it done, hounding my phone and email daily, and not taking no for an answer. Which I will admittedly say in the beginning made me believe they were reputable, but then I quickly learned it was never about my book, but all about the money.
I did manage to get it done though. In the end, I had a book that I was really proud of. A book that I had spent nine months pouring everything I had into. I had gotten to know my characters and the world they lived in so well that at this point they had become family to me. I knew the sound of their voices, the way their eyes glinted when they smiled, the way they moved when they walked, their hopes, their dreams, their deepest secrets and desires. They were as real to me as those around me. When the book was finished, I actually missed them. I grieved the fact that I couldn't be in their world every day and it felt like a part of me was left behind in that world. I had given my heart to this book.
It was not without incredible reward though. I had a company who would publish my book! I was on Cloud 9. I even had a launch team and over 100 people who had pre-ordered copies of my book. I felt like a real author - I was simply a very naive new author. Like a child learning how to walk, this was my stumbling phase.
With all the pressure from the author mill I was recruited by, I put together a launch party to garner more sales. The support I had received while writing the book, even from people who were complete strangers, was overwhelming. After the launch, I continued to receive incredible feedback, but then some questions were raised. Questions about the editing mistakes in the book, which then led me to question just how good a job the publishers had done. There were a few discrepancies I had found before it had gone to print that made me wonder if my edits had even been fixed. That coupled with the companies refusal to respect my boundaries on a few things, even to this day, tainted the experience and showed me how blinded I had been.
Over the next few months and leading into the early months of 2019, I had more than one person reach out to me and express how much they loved the book, but the editing distracted them. Finally, God spoke through the frustration I was feeling. He calmed my heart and brought two amazing women into my life at the exact time that I needed them - an editor with Harper Collins and a writing coach, both of whom are strong Christian women and with whom I connected immediately. Neither blinked an eye when I told them that I wanted to rewrite the first book and get it republished, this time marketing it to a traditional publishing house.
In the midst of all of this, I met my husband. We dated, got engaged, and wed, all within 11 months from when we met in 2018. 2019 ended up being my busiest year to date, but it also taught me a lot. I had to put the rewrite on hold until 2020. I wanted it to be done far sooner than this year, but what the middle has taught me is that anything worth doing well is worth taking the time to do. If I had rushed the rewrite, I wouldn't have had the chance to attend the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference the week before Thanksgiving. If had rushed and hadn't attended the conference, I wouldn't have met the amazing people, authors, and agents that I did. If I had rushed the rewrite, I wouldn't have had an agent ask for my book proposal after reading my One Sheet.
All these things that have happened in the middle have pointed to one very important fact: God is in all things. His hand is over this story, I have known that from the beginning, and He is constantly putting people in my path to remind me of that. The middle is no where near being over, but finally I have direction again. I know my next step and my hope is that in 2021, the new iteration of City of End will be published traditionally. Luckily I have an amazing team on my side that is working hard to see me succeed, not just with their expertise but also through prayer.
The journey out of the middle is not over, dear reader. In the meantime, it will be one heck of a ride.
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